Pregnancy Nuggets of Wisdom

By -


I sit at the kitchen table willing the conversation to move on, a smile fixed to my lips.

"Michelle, you're having a homebirth aren't you?"

Stares, gasps, silence.

It's lucky I'm not a private person. An entertainment journalist, notorious gossip and eternally sanguine, I relish most chances for attention.

But though rare, there are moments where I want to cover myself. Days where the lovely, stretchy, figure-hugging outfits I snapped on in a moment of pregnancy-awe are suddenly all too stretchy, a bit too snug and all too revealing. There are the occasional moments I want to smother my burning cheeks with my hands.

Glancing up nervously from the seasoned chatter of the mothers around me, now is one of those moments.

"My friend had a homebirth and absolutely swore by it but that does not sound like my cup of tea!" One well-meaning mother scoffs.

"A blow-up pool in the lounge and all that mess, forget it!"

"I just don't like my house that much," another laughs.

I was ready to join in the banter until my well-meaning friend openly reminded me just what this romantic novice of a mother was hoping to do.

I don't know why I'm nervous. I'm used to defending myself in this way.

I have just entered the third trimester of my very first pregnancy. I'm brimming with excitement and that rotund-bellied, fertile glow.

I'm also wheezing and hacking when I laugh. A giggle has transformed into what sounds suspiciously like a smoker's cough.I'm recovering from a chest infection.

"You won't ever get sick when you're pregnant, your body protects you from all that."

This year I've been sicker than I have since childhood.

In the heat of February I sweltered inside with the curtains drawn, the fan on full bore

and a bowl of ice chips by my bed as I willed my body to make it through two hours without vomiting.

The hoarse-voiced winds of autumn arrived and took mine away completely. Now winter's chill has settled deep within my chest.

I turned to my friends for sympathy.

"No, I never got sick."

I was just glad it wasn't flu. I'm supposed to be vaccinated against that.

Sunday magazine recently featured a series on topics you should not initiate conversation with over the dinner table. Vaccination was high on the list.

Ad Feedback

'Anti-vaccinators look and sound just like you and they're out there'. I flicked the page.

I had been argued at by those close to me on both sides of the table. One side painted a picture of formaldehyde poisoning. Scoffs and jibes at ignorant risk-taking hippies flooded me from the other.

For the first time I didn't feel safe to open my mouth to anyone.

Even pre-conception, the advice was laid on thick.

"It can take a year to conceive," a well-meaning friend cautioned. "I would suggest if you are even thinking of wanting to get pregnant in the future, you should start trying now."

Such well-meaning advice has been waiting to pounce from every corner.

"You're not going to put a photo of your scan on Facebook are you?!" I was asked, no told, by more than one friend before I even had the privilege of setting eyes on my little one.

Even finding out the sex of our child was something I felt pressured about.

Just weeks into pregnancy I was told by an acquaintance and apparent psychic I had the "aura" of a male around me. Others soon jumped on the bandwagon. Friends, not psychics that is. Everyone seemed to be in unison, "you're having a boy".And how did they know? "You're craving salty foods and cider." Even my midwife chimed in.

But I have always craved salty foods and cider.

Still, I found this kind of 'advice' fun.

I soon learned babies and advice don't always equate such light-hearted banter.

"Do you have a Dr Sprott mattress protector?"

Doctor Who? No, I...

"They are the only thing that can protect your infant from inhaling fire-retardant mattress chemicals and protect them from SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome)."

Well, really, I...

"Do you have a breastfeeding chair? You spend the equivalent of an eight hour working day feeding a newborn so you're bound to get back problems if you don't have a breastfeeding chair."

Oh, I hadn't heard...

"You want to sleep with your baby in your room? See how long that lasts. Your husband will probably opt for the spare room and you will never enjoy a sleep-in again."

Is that true? Oh, Ok...

I sit at the kitchen table willing the conversation to move on, a smile fixed to my lips.


- Originally published here at Essential Mums.

Comments

Post a Comment

My Son, My Hopes, My Fears

Colourful History and Exquisite Beauty Beneath Table Mountain

By -
Image
Our image of South Africa is all too often skewed by the desperate actions of a few.  The portrait is overshadowed by darkness, her grand beauty all but forgotten. A wavering economy and outpouring of skilled migrants, South Africa has struggled to find its feet.  But if you know the right places to go, the rainbow nation can be a traveller's paradise as you make the most of the low rand*, friendly locals, and generous sights to behold, as Michelle Robinson discovered. LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION A rhino crosses the road at Schotia Private Game Reserve. To me, South Africa has always been about the Cape.  The colourful history and exquisite beauty under the watchful eye of Table Mountain. My father's family reluctantly fled its shores to escape Apartheid, 45 years ago.  This year I took my Kiwi mother, husband, and 18-month-old to explore the places we had only heard about. Situated on the western side of the southern coast, Cape Town is hom
Read more

Made Up Careers ~ Annalee Muggeridge

By -
Image
ANNALEE MUGGERIDGE ~  Clinique Sales Adviser and Beauty Vlogger (25) Before we meet, I hope Annalee isn’t wearing makeup, while at the same time hoping that she is. Her transformation from fresh faced girl-next-door to Hollywood cover girl is something to behold. But to be honest, I’m a little intimidated by what I might find. Annalee answers the door dressed in a casual chic ensemble of black leggings, denim shirt and black choker. Her blonded hair is worn straight down and she’s wearing ... a beautiful full face of makeup. I’m grateful we’re starting our session with a makeover for me, my face is as bare as the day I was born and I might be intimidated if it wasn’t for Annalee’s friendly manner. I may be the journalist, but it’s Annalee who’s asking me a bunch of questions from the first application of makeup to post-interview tea and croissants around the kitchen table. She’s only been in the country two days when we meet and already she’s had two photoshoots and now an
Read more

Rose Matafeo - The Thorn Within

By -
Image
Rose Matafeo knows she can't play the cute young thing forever. "I know I can't . . . I'm tall and I have wide shoulders, that's not very cute." The two-time nominated Billy T Award comedian has come a long way from the frizzy haired, nervous ball of energy who cut her teeth in the Auckland standup scene at just 15. Previous stories on the Grey Lynn comedian of Samoan, Dalmatian and Scottish descent have referred to her nervous habit of playing with her hands and her polite, self-effacing manner. Just a couple of years later, her growing confidence is evident but low key. Sitting in her bedroom in the weatherboard Grey Lynn flat she shares with comedians Joseph Moore and Nic Sampson, the now 22-year-old Matafeo isn't sure how she got here. "I don't know why I started out in comedy, I don't know why I'm still doing it and I don't think I'm funny." Instead, she takes her hat off to other girls pursuing comedy.
Read more

Health fraud duo stay in jobs

By -
Two healthcare workers who forged prescriptions for three years to obtain medication to send overseas have kept their jobs. Joel Razon, 39, and Carlo Manlutac, 27, are still employed by Te Puna Hauora Primary Health Organisation on Auckland's North Shore despite being convicted of charges involving thousands of dollars worth of medication. Health Minister Tony Ryall and Waitemata District Health Board officials both said the men's employment was none of their business. Te Puna Hauora general manager Lyvia Marsden said the organisation had "put policies in place" to prevent further offending, and the Ministry of Health was satisfied. Asked why the pair were still with the organisation, she said: "Why shouldn't they? Where else are they supposed to work?" Marsden said the matter had been dealt with confidentially and she had no concerns about the way it had been handled. "We have not broken the law," she said. "All is well."
Read more

Losing a parent can make you resilient, but resilience can morph into hardness

By -
Image
OPINION: I have to dig deep to show emotion when a friend's upset. Adult tears are mesmerising. It's not that I don't feel their sadness, oh I do. It's just that I had to cope with intense grief as a child. I was 11 and Dad was supposed to live forever. Losing a parent when you are young can make you resilient in many ways. Over time though, resilience can morph into hardness. It's taken years of watching the close bond between my husband and his dad to realise a father's role doesn't diminish at the end of childhood. That bond was what pulled my husband, and our young family with it, back from Auckland to New Plymouth last year. There were a number of reasons for this move, but most pressingly has been my husband's need to spend quality time with his father before age and ailing health rob them. Through seeing my husband snuggle up to his dad like a boy and ask him for advice, I've learned that the role of a father is one intended to guide
Read more

How New Sexual Violence Courts Could Change Rape Trials for Women

By -
Image
"Lawyers, judges, prosecutors and police have all said, 'This is not a process I would want a member of my family to go through." In an effort to resolve sexual assault cases more quickly, reduce the trauma for complainants and encourage more victims to come forward, two new specialist sexual violence courts are to be opened in New Zealand. The courts will deal exclusively with serious sexual offences such as "rape, sexual violation, incest, sexual grooming, indecent assault, possession of child pornography and intimate visual recordings made without consent", according to a government statement. Starting December this year, the two-year pilot will also see 20 judges up-skilled on how to best deal with the complexities of sexual abuse cases. Research tells us that lengthy proceedings may delay recovery. "Timeliness is clearly an issue," Chief District Court Judge Jan-Marie Doogue said. "Research tells us that lengthy proceedings may
Read more

Lost and found

By -
Image
It's been 12 years since I have heard the voice of anyone from my father's family. Now suddenly I have the cacophony of dozens of rolled 'r's and hearty, shrieking laughter in my ears. My cheeks are warm with pressed kisses, my limbs are wary from countless hugs and my soul is fulfilled with the love of a family I never knew I had missed. Four and a half decades on from when Dad left Cape Town's shores, I have returned without him, with the hope of meeting him. I was entering my awkward adolescent years when he left me behind in this world and his father, his brother, followed him out of my grasp. The freshest memories are of my oupa or Papa as I called him. It's his voice that lingers, his arms that last held me. I saw him, I heard him in my great-Aunty Alice as I embraced her tiny frame and in the sparkle in her eyes as she smiled at me. "I never thought I would meet you," she cried, clasping my hands in hers. I could tell this moment was as
Read more

Jono and Ben on Making Radio Waves

By -
It's strange to be interviewing Jono Pryor and Ben Boyce. Several times Pryor turns it around so he's interviewing me. "Do you guys always meet people here for pizza? What are you guys doing after this? Is Stuff going behind a paywall?" Pryor peppers us with questions as he chauffeurs us up the mount in his legendary black 1970s Holden Kingswood. It's back to black, having recently been painted a vibrant pink in a Boyce-ordered prank. The presenters of late-night current affairs spoof Jono and Ben at Ten are facing the challenge of capturing two types of audience. They are branching out their TV show to include the hardcore fans of drivetime rock radio. Tall, thin, buzz-cut and jeans-clad, the comic presenters take the piss as they pose for photos. "Is it too late to pull out?" Boyce asks. "They caught me at a low point." The move to replace Pryor's deep-voiced, decade-long co-host Robert Taylor with Boyce has attracted a legio
Read more

Back on the barre

By -
OPINION: Having quit ballet just days from opening night, I long dreamed of returning to the studio. It's been almost a year since my move to New Plymouth and I've been waiting to bump into the dance teachers of my youth as a sign it's time to return. Who am I kidding. I was making detours past the Val Deakin Dance School in an attempt to speed up the process. Ballet is one of those childhood hobbies almost every girl starts but few of us finish as prima ballerinas. Those of you who have ever had the gall to back-chat a ballet teacher will know exactly what I'm talking about. My first days of dancing were as a shy six year old with pigtails. It was adorable, we wore frilly dresses and played toy soldiers, spinning tops and teddy bears to music. My ballet teacher at the time was friendly enough to us, though she earned the nickname 'the dragon lady' among the mothers for her air of formidability. Ballet is a discipline but also an exquisite form
Read more

Made Up Careers ~ Jaz Garner

By -
JAZ GARNER ~ Makeup artist, dancer + model based in Auckland (23) Jaz has been experimenting with makeup since she could reach her mother’s black lipstick at age four. Nowadays her makeup artistry is splashed across the pages of magazines and featured on our TV screens. Her bag is stocked with the likes of Yves St Laurent and Giorgio Armani and a stack load of MAC. And she doesn’t like to leave the house without a few lashings of mascara, under-eye concealer and “a nice little lip stain”. At the family home, you could probably still dig up some ‘Oompa Loompa shots’ of a teenage Jaz trying on her mum’s Thin Lizzy. “Oh gawd…” But Jaz’s diary was packed with enough clients that she managed to turn freelance at the tender age of 21. She earned her stripes at the MAC counter at Auckland Airport, having initially left her New Plymouth home for the big smoke at 17 to study dance at the Excel School of Performing Arts. The modelling came a bit later, through contacts she picked up fr
Read more